Keep in mind, this same sense of entitlement will be used against you. If you disobey their desires or demands, or violate one of their rules, they feel they are entitled to punish you in any manner they see fit. They will notice a change in your personality or your withdrawal.
The mention of your family members or friends will spark an angry response from them — eventually placing you in the situation where you stop talking about those you care about, even your own family members. Bad Stories People often let you know about their personality by the stories they tell about themselves. The stories a person tells informs us of how they see themselves, what they think is interesting, and what they think will impress you. A humorous individual will tell funny stories on himself. They may tell you about past relationships and in every case, they assure you that they were treated horribly despite how wonderful they were to that person.
Waitresses, clerks, or other neutral individuals will be treated badly. A mentally healthy person is consistent, they treat almost all people the same way all the time. If you find yourself dating a man who treats you like a queen and other females like dirt — hit the road. The Reputation As mentioned, mentally healthy individuals are consistent in their personality and their behavior. Pay attention to the reputation. If the reputation has two sides, good and bad, your risk is high.
You will be dealing with the bad side once the honeymoon is over in the relationship. Emotionally healthy and moral individuals will not tolerate friendships with losers that treat others so badly. You become paranoid as well — being careful what you wear and say. Nonviolent males find themselves in physical fights with female losers. Nonviolent females find themselves yelling and screaming when they can no longer take the verbal abuse or intimidation.
In emotional and physical self-defense, we behave differently and oddly. If you are involved in a relationship with one of these versions, you may require professional and legal assistance to save yourself. Physical Abuser Physical abusers begin the relationship with physical moving — shoving, pushing, forcing, etc. Getting away from physical abusers often requires the assistance of family, law enforcement agencies, or local abuse agencies.
Female losers often physically attack their partner, break car windows, or behave with such violence that the male partner is forced to physically protect himself from the assault. They may fake terminal illness, pregnancy, or disease. If you try to end the relationship, they react violently and give you the impression that you, your friends, or your family are in serious danger. People often then remain in the abusive and controlling relationship due to fear of harm to their family or their reputation.
Psychotic or psychiatrically ill losers may also stalk, follow, or harass you. They may threaten physical violence, show weapons, or threaten to kill you or themselves if you leave them. If you try to date others, they may follow you or threaten your new date. Your new date may be subjected to phone harassment, vandalism, threats, and even physical assaults.
You may need help and legal action to separate from these individuals. During the detachment phase you should…. Observe the way you are treated. Gradually become more boring, talk less, share less feelings and opinions. Quietly contact your family and supportive others. Determine what help they might be — a place to stay, protection, financial help, etc. If you fear violence or abuse, check local legal or law enforcement options such as a restraining order. Stop arguing, debating or discussing issues. Begin dropping hints that you are depressed, burned out, or confused about life in general.
That will only complicate your situation and increase the anger. This sets the foundation for the ending of the relationship. Explain that you are emotionally numb, confused, and burned out. React to each in the same manner — a boring thanks. Focus on your need for time away from the situation. You will be wasting your time trying to make them understand and they will see the discussions as an opportunity to make you feel more guilty and manipulate you. While anyone can change for a short period of time, they always return to their normal behavior once the crisis is over.
Seek professional counseling for yourself or the support of others during this time. You will need encouragement and guidance. Imagine a dead slot machine. If we are in Las Vegas at a slot machine and pull the handle ten times and nothing happens — we move on to another machine. However, if on the tenth time the slot machine pays us even a little, we keep pulling the handle — thinking the jackpot is on the way. Never change your position — always say the same thing. During the Follow-up Protection period, some guidelines are:. Never change your original position. Assure him that both his life and your life are now private and that you hope they are happy.
If you start feeling guilty during a phone call, get off the phone fast. As you begin to have feelings of self-doubt, you will eventually reach a point where you feel worthless. This is exactly where a loser wants you to be. He does not want you to succeed at anything, as that would make you better than him. He is secretly setting you up to fail at everything you do.
At the beginning of your relationship, a loser will usually insist on paying for everything. This is to lull you into a false sense of security, but do not be fooled. This is simply a ruse to deceive you into believing that he is financially secure.
More often than not, a loser is living on credit. He is unable to manage his money and often has significant debts. He also has a great sense of entitlement which means that he spends way beyond his means. Slowly, but surely, he will begin to milk you for all you are worth.
Are You Dating a “Loser”?
He may explain that he has 'cash flow' problems and begin by borrowing small amounts of money. Initially, he may even repay these. A small token gesture which is intended solely to further increase your confidence in lending him larger amounts of money. A loser will view you as his personal ATM and even develop a sense of entitlement to your money,. Whatever you do, never, ever lend a loser any money and, most definitely, do not borrow money or co-sign a loan for him.
You really do not need financial hardship on top of heartbreak. If you are having problems getting over them, then you should consider implementing a period of no contact. The most important thing to remember is that the problem is not with you. You may even discover that your partner has a history of this type of poor behaviour. It is also possible that he has a borderline personality disorder or, worse still, is a narcissist. Ultimately, you will discover that the trouble with dating a loser is that they are not always that easy to get rid of. As soon as you start pulling away, in an attempt to end the relationship, they usually pursue you with renewed vigour.
Whilst this may generate feelings in your head that you may have made a mistake, please remember that this is not necessarily a sign that you were wrong. Just ensure that you see the loser for the person he actually is, not the person you want him to be. All of a sudden, the guy I had been dating confessed that he had been seeing his ex behind my back.
Are You Dating a "Loser"? - Women's and Gender Studies, The Pauline Jewett Institute
Why did he do that? It sounds as if he wanted a way out, or perhaps his ex had given him an ultimatum. Either way, you're better off without him. Move on and find someone who is more deserving of your love. So I started talking to a boy in school. We are coming to the end of the term. We seem very close. I told him that I liked him, and he blushed. He takes my pencil and won't give it back until I shake his hand; but most of the time, it's more like holding hands because he holds on and won't let go. Do you think he has any interest in me? It sounds as if you are at the beginning of a long life journey that will bring you both pleasure and pain.
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Perhaps this boy thinks of you as a friend, or maybe as a girlfriend. I honestly cannot tell. The best advice I can give you is to enjoy the attention, but don't let it detract from your studies. Believe me, in ten years time, you won't even remember these events, but your exam results will stay with you for the rest of your life. There is nothing wrong with enjoying the first throes of young love. However, you must stay focused and prioritize what your long-term goals are.
Sign in or sign up and post using a HubPages Network account. Comments are not for promoting your articles or other sites. I have to give my take. Read about sociopath, psychopath, narcissistic personalities and what victims of these munipulating non-human beings do to a person psychologically, emotionally, financially, spiritually.
I am a counselor and was almost driven to shoot myself. This monster deliberately tried to give me hiv all the while playing on my empathy and love for him, while telling me it was all my fault. It was impossible to tell the the truth from fiction, I questioned my sanity through out. The worst and most eye opening experience of my life. Please, stop insinuating to victims that it is part their fault for being deceived and manipulated. It is a very painful ordeal and personally I felt like the stupidest person on earth, and got attacked and blamed by his realm of friends and family who are also being manipulated and lied to and don't have a clue.
Those statements of blaming someone who has done no wrong and is going through such a moment of questioning their self worth and devastation cam mean the difference between life or death. I have so many clients I run into who thank me for helping them, can you imagine if a monster like this had gotten his way only to replace good deeds with his evil intent.
I had no idea such evil people existed in real life. Look up the symptoms of a sociopaths victims, then you will have a small minute glympse of the torment a person was blindly led into. Like the lobster, being put in the pan before it is heated doesn't realize it is being cooked to death to be feasted upon. There was a time in years past that elderly family members had much to say about their young people's choices of mates.
Then, more young people listened to them. Now, young people mostly make their own decisions about a mate and marriage without consulting their fathers, mothers and grandparents. It is true that we are responsible for our own happiness, but that includes being responsible and sensible enough to listen to wisdom and people who love us and have always looked out for us when we could not help ourselves.
A good, loving father or brother is usually able to assess the reliability of a daughter's chosen partner. The one thing we do agree on DashingScorpio is that we are all ultimately responsible for our own happiness. The point I was trying to get across is that sometimes it is easier for someone on the "outside" to gain a better perspective of situations than someone who is entangled in the middle of it.
You offer some excellent points in this hub. However I would have to slightly disagree with you about the problem not being "you" in the article. I realize we live in an era where everyone wants to point the finger at someone else or anything else when it comes to dealing with issues. The truth is each of us chooses our own friends, lovers, and spouse. There is no getting around that one. If I go to the grocery store to purchase an apple but buy an onion instead Do I curse the onion for not being an apple?
The question is, will you choose to act upon them?
He Blows Hot and Cold He loves me, he loves me not. He is unfaithful to you. He asks to borrow money off you. He fails to turn up for a date. All of the above. He Is Self-Obsessed A loser is self-obsessed and only cares about himself and his image. He Asks to Borrow Money At the beginning of your relationship, a loser will usually insist on paying for everything. A loser will view you as his personal ATM and even develop a sense of entitlement to your money, Whatever you do, never, ever lend a loser any money and, most definitely, do not borrow money or co-sign a loan for him.